Saturday, September 15, 2012

Goodbye My Friend

It is the night at the end of an emotional week full of tears, laughs, and reflections, all culminating in the memorial service today for my dear friend Gerald and his brother, Eldon.  There was a profound sadness, but also joy, and a calmness and beauty in all of it that was really humbling.

I wasn't sure that I would be able to bring myself to attend the visitation and viewing on Friday evening, yet part of my own personal grieving process with death is to have some moments with the departed person as part of making it real.  Knowing that their spirit has left the physical body of this lifetime, and having those final moments with their physical being, while I absorb what I can to then carry on with their spiritual being.  

At one point in the evening, I was able to have the honor of meeting the two women who were first on the scene of the accident, and who tended one each to both Gerald and Eldon, caring for and staying with them until the paramedics arrived.  One of the women was a trained first responder, and the other had lost a son of her own to a tragic accident.  They were truly two angels who were meant to be there at that moment for that purpose, and to then be present last evening to share information and answer questions for family and friends.  It's difficult to put into words what a blessing it is to know that Gerald and Eldon were both being cared for so well, and what an honor for me and others to be able to speak with these women who were there in those moments, and are the bridge connecting their lives to their passing.  There was a real beauty in all of it, knowing that such kindness, care, and tenderness were returned to two people who spent their lives giving those same qualities to others.  

Today's service was literally overflowing with people, and it was very touching and lovely.  The eulogy for each of them, the slideshows of photos, and the personal tributes all told their life story beautifully, with the perfect amount of humor and wit, as well.  I didn't have any planned remarks, and wasn't sure that my voice would hold, but I decided to say some words about the friend and person that I knew Gerald to be.  It was a small fraction of what I wanted to say, but I managed to find some words in the swirl of thoughts and emotions that have taken shelter in my head and in my heart.  The real sentiment, which I wasn't able to get out, is that for a time he was my best friend, and I loved him.  Gerald adored his family, and he cared deeply for his friends, and it is one of the profound honors of my life that I was one of them.

I returned to the water this evening, and walked to the same bench where I sat on Monday night, and watched the sun set across the still of the water, in a beautiful setting, bringing to close the day that I say goodbye to one of the most generous and true friends that I've known.  

So goodbye my friend, and off you go to the endless roads across the sky.  



Monday, September 10, 2012

For a true friend

G,

With last night's post, I was just trying to deal with the initial shock of the news of your passing.  Today there is a profound sadness, but also gratitude, and that is what I would like to try to express, in some small way, through these words to you (this is where you would insert a joke about haunting me if you don't like what I say, with your usual evil laugh).  So here goes...

We had an instant connection when we met all those years ago, and became fast friends.  Our friendship felt like home to me, and you were a kindred spirit in many ways.  I knew that I had met someone who was as big of a dork as I was, and who would always appreciate that about me, without explanation or expectation.  I was always an advocate for you and for your team, and you knew it and appreciated it, and returned the favor to me.  Your kindness and care for others was one of your many gifts, and it is incredibly evident in the outpouring of notes from your family and friends.

Those five years flew by, and we had since moved on to other companies, but remained good friends, and it was always great to get together from time to time to catch up, share stories, seek each other's advice or perspective, and have some laughs, which were always plenty.  You reveled in the art of the pun, and would always find a way to make a joke, and the cheesier, the better.  I would ping you with "G!" and you would reply "Spacy!" and it would be off to the races from there, whether it was just a quick hello or making plans for the next time to have lunch or coffee and catch up on each other's lives.  You were always fully present when we met, and I appreciated that about you, especially in this age of constant electronic connection and interruption.  Your friends knew you were making time for them, and it didn't go unnoticed.

There are so many memories from your time of living in West Seattle, and those have come flooding back the last couple of days.  I know that you loved this area like I do, and I will be reminded of you for a long time to come, from the beach to the restaurants and cafes.  And how could I forget the visits when you lived on Alki, and the special reaction my presence seemed to get from Rufus, who was all too pleased to take it out on his stuffed bear, which brought fits of laughter from us.  

I admired the father that you were, and the love that you had for Daniel.  I was fortunate to witness that first-hand at a precious time in his young life, where the innocence of his sweet personality and demeanor was evident, and you were such a significant part of forming the person that he is and will continue to become.  You were his hero, and your family and friends left behind will all surround him with the love and care that he'll need now and in the years to come, always reminding him of what a remarkable man his father was, and how much he loved his son.

Your love for Rachel and for your family, and for all of your friends, was pure, deep, and true, and we were all so very lucky to have known you, and to had you in our lives.  I am but one of many, many people who are heartbroken by your passing, and it's really quite impossible for me to express what you meant to me through these words, or any others, but it brings me some comfort that I believe that you knew, and to also witness the outpouring of comments from your friends and loved ones in the last few days.

I took a walk this afternoon, down along the water, which was calm and peaceful.  I came across a bench, like many of the ones along the shore, and sat a while, thinking of you, and continuing to try to process all of this.  After sitting a while, I looked down to see the tribute that was there for another passed soul, and saw these words:

Cherish yesterday
Dream tomorrow
Live today

And somehow it was perfect.  You taught me so many things, all without trying or knowing, and this sentiment was the summary of those lessons.  You were kind and patient, caring and thoughtful, and always the diplomat.  You truly lived life, and took every opportunity for adventure and fun.  You truly saw people, saw their value and their strengths, and focused on that, always there to lend a helping hand, a kind word, or a joke to lighten the mood.  

I will visit that bench from time to time, and take time to catch up with you, sharing updates on my life, and honoring your memory in the only way that I know how, which is to always try to be a better person.  And to always remember to make it cheesy.


I'll never forget you, G.  

Your friend, 
Spacy


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Heartbreaking Loss

There are moments that seem to pivot your world on a dime, and send it in a completely different directly in a single moment, and perhaps none so sudden and profoundly sad as the news of the loss of someone dear.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the news that my dear friend Gerald is gone, along with his brother, in a tragic motorcycle accident last night.  I found out this afternoon, by viewing some comments on a photo of him on Facebook, and the words "rest in peace" were left pounding on the door of my brain, where my heart was yelling to not let them in.  I just started saying "no, no, noooooo!" out loud as the tears began to fall and my heart broke in two.  For the friendship lost, for the loved ones left behind, for time lost between visits, for the words not spoken.  

Everyone who loses someone talks about what a great person they were, and Gerald was not only no exception, he totally set the bar for others.  His Facebook page is overflowing with countless comments from others who feel the same.  The shock and devastating loss of his sudden passing has started a flood of memories that span the seven years that I've known him, and it's hard to try to put into words what he meant to me and so many others, which feels rather impossible as I'm still trying to absorb the news.

Gerald was one of those people who made friends quickly, and people were drawn to his good nature and true care for others.  He adored his family and friends, and had this way of making you feel like the only person in the room when he was speaking with you.  His relationship with his son, Daniel, who is like a miniature version of Gerald, was very special to witness.  They truly delighted in one another.  Gerald was fiercely loyal, and steadfast in his convictions, but without judgment toward others, always willing to listen.  I was fortunate to first know him professionally, and then to become one of his good friends, and it was one of the dearest friendships that I've known, even when there would be many months between catching up with one another.  He had a fantastic sense of humor, and we shared too many laughs to count.  Gerald truly cared about doing a good job at everything that he did, and he often went the extra mile whether it be for work, for his friends, or for his family.  He was the type of person who made you better by knowing him, and while my heart is broken with the news of his death, I am profoundly grateful to have known him and been able to call him a true friend.  His brother Eldon, whom I did not know as well, was very similar to Gerald in many ways, and they were both fine men whom their family and friends truly adored. Their passing is a huge loss for all of us who knew them.

His mother lost both of her sons in this tragic accident, and while there are no words to describe that type of loss, my hope is that there is comfort in knowing that Gerald and Eldon's spirit lives on in each of their children.

It is often the tragedies of life that teach us to appreciate the joys, and this is all too sad of a reminder to take the time to tell your loved ones what they mean to you while you can, as things can change in an instant, and the brightest of lights is dimmed too soon.

I have been fortunate to have had some great friendships in my life, with each of them having a unique meaning and impact.  Some friendships have passed or changed form, and others may have long periods in between coming back together, but they all have not only shaped me, but are engrained in the very fabric of my being.  Gerald was one of those friends, and I don't think I ever told him that.  But hopefully he knew.